Almost all the cards weren't right for one or more of the following reasons.
*Trying to be funny but weren't (beans for 29 cents a can! CHEAP GAS! Get it???).
*Used mild profanities (there's a picture of a donkey on the front! Get it???).
*Featured a picture of a dad who had legs, or just a picture of shoes (!). (My dad's a double-amputee. I couldn't be more blessed to have him for my father. But I didn't think a daughter dancing on Daddy's feet card was appropriate when NEITHER of us dance.)
*So sweet it put tears in my eyes. Only one card managed this.
*Was vaguely creepy (these can be summed up by "Daddy, it may just be my opinion, but I think we have an exceptionally close relationship..." and "I need you to know that you'll always be an important man in my life." (Subtext: Please don't hurt my boyfriend.) ).
*Referenced things my father doesn't really do (it's amazing how many cards focus on grilling, golfing, and/or watching sports).
*Had random quotes on the front. Not quotes FROM people. Just weird lines in quotation marks, along the lines of "Father's Day is a time to remember a man who's done so much." Why the quotes? Quotation marks are the new apostrophe, I tell you.
*Were very wordy (one was at least 15 lines of text on the outside and that many on the inside!) and oddly specific. Like "You're a great father and I couldn't be more proud that you're my dad. You've done so much for us--put food on the table, bandaged our owies, took us bass fishing in the rain..." (I did not feel comfortable buying a card where I'd have to black out some of the lines.)
*Had Dora the Explorer on the front. OK, I didn't look inside that one. It was probably perfect.
Anyway, I ended up going to a Target near a university, which was almost out of cards even though it was a Wednesday or Thursday. Go figure.
In retrospect, I should've just gone with the ridiculously sweet one.
Happy Father's Day, Dad!